In a previous post someone mentioned to me about not knowing about the challenges our oldest daughter faces. So I decided to write about it and here is her story.
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant, I had been at my parents house for Christmas, Donny had to work and couldn't make it. I was a couple of days late, but was trying to not get anxious or get my hopes up because we had been, not really trying, but not preventing for a year and nothing had happened. We had also miscarried 13 months prior, so I was nervous. My parents lived a couple hours away from where we lived at the time, and on the drive home I could stand the suspense no more, so I stopped at Wal Mart and bought a pregnancy test. Then I headed straight to the women's bathroom and took it right then! It was positive (duh), and I was so excited and naturally couldn't wait to get home to tell Donny. When I got home he was next door at his brother's house, yes we lived next to his brother for a while and are actually still speaking to them, lol. And they had a brand new 3 week old baby, their fourth, which didn't help my baby fever. So I walk in the door and say, in front of his brother and his brother's wife, "there's going to be a new addition to the family", with a big stupid grin on my face. My smart as a whip husband says with a puzzled look on his face, "Courtney (my sister) is having a baby?". I say, no dummy we are! It was a neat day.
Everyone was super excited. This would be my parent's first grandchild, and although my inlaws already had 4 grandchildren, they were very excited because my brother and sister in law had officially closed that chapter of their lives. Oh the time drug by, I could not wait to have this baby. I didn't really enjoy being pregnant that much, because I was just so anxious to meet our child. Of course the first 4 months went by at snail pace, with morning sickness and not really a baby belly, but just enough of a pooch to look fat. I wanted to wear a shirt that said, "I'm pregnant, not fat". Then we got to find out the sex of the baby about half way through and I was overjoyed that it was a girl. I had the biggest smile on my face when they said those words!
Then we had to move. It was either move and my husband keep his great job with awesome benefits, or stay there and HOPE that he could find something that paid halfway decent. We opted to move, it really was the only way I would be able to stay home when our kids came along. So off we go 100 miles from Donny's family and about 200 miles from mine. But we were young and naive and sooo excited to get a fresh start!
Pregnancy was smooth as butter. By week 36 I was OVER being pregnant and I wanted this baby out of me NOW! It was August and 120 degrees in the shade and I was 45 pounds heavier than I had been 8 months earlier. My ankles looke like elephant legs. I was done. Unfortunately, Kayleigh wasn't. She stayed in there for 40 weeks, like a good girl. At my 40 week appointment my blood pressure had risen considerably. Um, I was hot, tired and had been having debilitating back and leg pain for four weeks, I was lucky I hadn't had a stroke, lol! So my doc decided to go ahead and get his girl outta me.
I went in on a Thursday morning for induction, did pitocin for two days. Doctor broke my water morning of day 2, had an epidural a few hours later, and she was born that afternoon. I know labour is not supposed to be fun, but I had such a wonderful experience. I was in no pain, and I was surrounded by a ton of people who were at my beck and call, hehe. I remember when she was crowning and they said, this baby has red hair, and we were all like, really? Sure enough she came out with, not much, but the reddest peach fuzz, we were all so excited. And surprised, gotta say I didn't see that coming! She had a bowel movement in the womb so they took her to make sure she was breathing ok. She was, and they brought her back to me shortly to nurse.
Everything was great! In an I just had a baby way. I was tired and sore and Kayleigh was precious and kept me up all night. The next night after her birth, I was in my room alone, everyone had left, she was in the nursery, and a wave of emotions just swept over me. I just started crying and couldn't stop. It wasn't just being scared or overwhelmed, it was plain out of my control, my hormones had taken over! The nurses were really nice and told me to talk to them if I needed anyone. Just a short time later that evening, I was holding Kayleigh, alone, and I noticed that when her right eye would open it looked really light colored. Not just the pupil, the whole eye. It just didn't look right to me. But newborns do not open their eyes very much at all, and when they do it is pretty much just a squint, so I couldn't get a real good look at it. But it definitely to me did not look like her other eye, which looked normal.
I freaked out. Tears started flowing and I remember thinking, "Oh God no, please there can't be anything wrong with my baby", and I started to panic, really that is too tame of a word for what I felt. I jumped (as well as a woman who has just pushed a baby out of her vagina can) out of the bed and walked to the nurses station and asked them about her eye. They told me that it was really common for babies to have one eye be alot lighter than the other, and everything was ok. So I felt better.
The next day when the pediatrician came in to do her exam before we left, we asked her to look at Kayleigh's eye. She did and assured us that it was fine. Ok, so now I could relax. We took her home that day. What a day that was. I cried all day, for no reason whatsoever. Any mama's can relate. It's like someone is pouring water into your head and it must come out of your body or you will die, and it's only way out is your tear ducts, really annoying by the way.
So the first night we are home is horrible. She wasn't nursing as well as they wanted her to before we left the hospital and they had me convinced she was going to die. They seriously had me so worried I thought she was going to starve to death. No pressure! We got through that first night, and miraculous thing happened the next day. Kayleigh decided she was hungry and that she would eat. Hmmm, who would've thunk it, babies eat when they get hungry, good to know!
The nursing started going much better and I could actually breathe again. The crying was increasing at an alarming rate, mine, not hers! I had completely lost control of my body, seriously. Donny had gone back to work the day after we came home and I had no family or friends in the brand new town we had just moved to 4 months earlier. Can you read, recipe for disaster? So a few days later I take Kayleigh in for her first checkup, everything is great. Then right before the doctor walks out she asks if I have any questions. I then remember that I want her to take a look at her eyes, just as a precaution. The other doctors and nurses had told me after all that she was fine, and I had almost forgotten about it.....almost. There was always still a nagging thought in my head that something was wrong, but being told that everything is ok and wanting to believe it so badly, made me feel comfortable.
She looked at the eye and I immediatly knew something was wrong. She told me she wasn't sure what was wrong, that it could possibly be glaucoma, but she wasn't sure and that we needed to get her seen by a pediatric opthamologist right away. She left the room, and I tried to hold it together, and miraculously did a pretty good job. They took me to an office where a very nice nurse was making the phone calls to get Kayleigh in. They wanted me to take her that day, and the nurse asked me if I had anyone that could go with me right then, and I dissolved into tears. Donny was at work, and I knew not another soul here. Knowing then what I know now I would have just called Donny and said leave now we're going, but I was an emotional wreck and could hardly speak much less think. I felt very alone............to be continued
Sorry to break it off right here, but I have so much more to write and I don't want this post to be 30 minutes long. And right here is where our lives changed forever, so I will continue tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment